➸ "Should parents read their daughter's texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
for anyone who doesn’t know:
i am transsexual. obviously, female-to-male. i have been on testosterone since 03/22/2012, and living as male full-time since i was 15.
now that that’s out of the way, i would like to reach out to everyone and anyone i can. due to improper binding for several years, i have developed costochondritis. it is a painful condition, and regardless of my dysphoria, top surgery is a necessity because of this.
i have found a local surgeon who will work with me at an all-inclusive price of $6790. this seems impossible as i’m dealing with traffic court fees and still looking for a job. i can’t do it without help. i need the surgery asap to prevent from further damaging my body, so i’m trying to raise money to pay for it.
i set up a gofundme.com page, but i also have an etsy where deseree and i sell what we make. i would prefer to sell things instead of get donations because at least then i can feel like i gave something back. i’ll post the links at the end of this novel lol.
if anyone could share this or help out, or knows someone who could, please pass this along. it would mean the world to me.
You can be proud to be black.
You can be proud to be Asian.
You can be proud to be Arabic.
You can be proud to be Spanish.
You can be proud to be any race.
But you can never be proud to be white, because that makes you racist.
Arabic and Spanish aren’t races go to school
Also when people use terms like “Asian Pride”, “Black Power”, “Gay Pride” etc. they don’t actually mean, “I am literally proud of having the genes to make my skin this shade”
They mean, “I reject the message I’ve heard all my life that I am broken, ugly, disgusting, and worthless because of the color of my skin/who I’m attracted to/how I present my gender” etc. Marginalized Pride is pride in defiance of a system and a world that demands shame. It’s saying, “No. Fuck you. I am not ashamed of being queer and you will not convince me that I am lesser because of it.”
When you want to say “White Pride” or “Straight Pride”, at best all you’re saying is, “I am literally proud of having the genes to make my skin this shade” and at worst, “I am proud and/or not ashamed for the tons of atrocities throughout history that people like me have committed against people not like me as well as the societal benefits I gain at the expense of others as a result of said atrocities.”
So, not at all the same thing.
That fact that ‘Fight Club’ is being taught seems — to me — to underscore the dearth of novels that explore male issues. The past years have given us so many books, from ‘The Color Purple’ to ‘The Joy Luck Club’ to ‘How to Make an American Quilt,’ which depict women in groups and relationship, but almost no books depicting social models for men. That’s my two cents worth.
Queerbaiting hurts because it’s just authors fucking mocking you for daring to hope that queer subtext might lead to explicit canon queer characters but “nope no representation for you you silly queers it might make cishet people uncomfortable and we value them more”
“'I think we could, it’s a matter of when. It’s a matter of what are those dates, it’s a matter of juggling multiple, successful franchises. Is there a downside to managing multiple, successful franchises? I believe we’re figuring out that there is, which is having the time to do them all. So, at what point do we hold back a franchise or have three or four years between parts of a franchise in order to introduce new ones? Or do you introduce new ones within the body of the films? We’re looking at all those things right now.'”—
Kevin Feige’s response when asked if Marvel is open to a Black Panther movie or a movie with a female lead.
Excuses. “Matter of when”, “matter of juggling franchises”. But it’s so easy to throw up Ant Man and Guardians of the Galaxy? One movie that nobody wanted and another movie that appears to have no connection at all to the current MCU? But as long as there are white male leads, you can make all the plans you want. Give me a break.
When will it ever be the precise, correct time for a blockbuster superhero movie with a black lead? Or a female lead? Or god forbid a woman of color? When?
Now. The answer is now. The time is now. Get the fuck off your high horse, Kevin Feige, and start acknowledging us as people.